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Men vs. Women and Women vs. Men




This little ditty is for all my "men" out there and are the reasons why I adore them so much! LMAO

50 REASONS TO BE GLAD YOU'RE A MAN

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
4. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
5. You can open all of your own jars.
6. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
7. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview
8. You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around everywhere you go.
9. You can kill your own food.
10. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
11. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic and think that everyone secretly hates you.
12. Your last name stays put.
13. You never have to clean the toilet.
14. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
15. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
16. Your underwear costs $10 for a 5 pack.
17. You don't have to shave below your neck.
18. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite.
19. You can write your name in the snow.
20. Everything on your face stays it's original color.
21. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
22. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
23. Nobody stops telling a dirty joke when you walk into the room.
24. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
25. You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking "He must be made at me".
26. Hot wax never comes near your public area.
27. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
28. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
29. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what your wearing.
30. Same work......more pay.
31. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
32. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
33. Wedding dress - $2,000. Tux rental - $100.
34. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries (at least in theory that is).
35. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
36. The remote is your's and your's alone.
37. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
38. You can drop by and see a friend without bringing a little gift.
39. Bachelor parties are more fun than bridal showers.
40. You can buy condoms without the store clerk imagining you naked.
41. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
42. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong friends.
43. The occasional well-rounded belch is practically expected.
44. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
45. New shoes don't cut, blister or mangle your feet.
46. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniver- saries, not even your own.
47. Your buddies can be trusted never to trap you with: "So....notice anything different?"
48. Baywatch
49. There is always a game on somewhere.
50. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F**k It".
 
 

TYPES OF MEN YOU MIGHT SEE IN THE MENS RESTROOM

**EXCITABLE: Shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.
**SOCIABLE: Joins friends in a piss whether he has to or not.
**CROSS-EYED: Looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
**TIMID: Can't piss if someone's watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.
**INDIFFERENT: All urinals being used, pisses in sink.
**CLEVER: No hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor.
**WORRIED: Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.
**FRIVOLOUS: Plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug.
**ABSENT-MINDED: Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.
**CHILDISH: Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.
**SNEAK: Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next stall will get blamed.
**PATIENT: Stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand.
**DESPERATE: Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.
**TOUGH: Bangs pecker on side of urinal to dry it.
**EFFICIENT: Waits until he has to crap, then does both.
**FAT: Backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shoe.
**LITTLE: Stands on box, falls in, drowns.
**DRUNK: Holds right thumb in left hand, pisses in pants.
**DISGRUNTLED: Stands for a while, gives up, walks away.
**CONCEITED: Holds two-inch pecker like a baseball bat.
**RADICAL: Ignores urinal. Pisses on wall.

DRUNK : Pulls penis out of pants, looks down, sees two, puts one back. Pees in pants.
LUCKY : Finishes, and shakes it off by swinging it against the sides of the urinal.

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